I went to the party because I knew he'd be there.
I was wearing flat sandals and a thin summer dress with nothing underneath.
We'd been flirting all summer, but it was frustrating. More than frustrating. It was PAINFUL. He was holding back, flirting with everyone. And he was doing the same at the party - working his way around the room, sharing a laugh, a touch, a look, with EVERYONE. I can pretend just as well as the next girl, but I just couldn't do it that night, I couldn't pretend that I was happy just to get my share of his attention. He was talking to some girl who was leaning into him and they were laughing. So I picked up my bag, slung it over my shoulder and left.
I got halfway down the first flight of stairs when he caught up to me. He caught my arm and I turned to face him, too pissed to even try to pretend that I didn't give a shit. I thought he'd start with the flirting again, to draw me back in... god knows he seemed to NEED a horde of women all panting for him.
But he didn't flirt. He didn't have that little smile on his face that I used to find so charming but that later made me want to hit him.
He looked... upset.
And then he slipped one arm around me, braced the other on the wall for support, and kissed me.
I married him a year later.
Thursday, January 31, 2008
1.1
The way a man fucks is revealed in the way he kisses.
Sex should be messy and wet. At least, that's how I like it. And that's how he kissed me, as if he were trying to swallow me whole. He was generous with his tongue tasting mine. And that proved an accurate predictor of other things too.
Sex should be messy and wet. At least, that's how I like it. And that's how he kissed me, as if he were trying to swallow me whole. He was generous with his tongue tasting mine. And that proved an accurate predictor of other things too.
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
1.0
The first time I met him, I was hugging a friend I hadn't seen in a long time and she turned me around, saying, "Let me introduce you to someone."
And I looked at him and he looked at me and it was so fucking LOUD, I thought the entire bar heard it. I didn't know chemistry between two people could make a sound, like thunder. He was holding a beer, and I took it from him and sipped.
"Just because you're irresistible, that doesn't mean you can just take a man's beer," he said to me. But he was staring at my mouth.
I had a stomach ache for days afterwards. Actually, the ache was lower than that.
It was inevitable that we became lovers. And after we did, I was in a constant state of arousal. The feel of my bra against my breasts hardened my nipples. The brush of fabric against my thighs made me wet. I'd sit in meetings and think of him inside me. It was as if every part of my body were completely outside my control - that my arms and legs and breasts and belly were all just mindless animals with no purpose but to want HIM.
But it started with my mouth. My mouth wanted him first. We were sitting on the bed and I was high on a feeling of utter recklessness.
"Hungry?" I asked him, and pushed the pizza box closer to him. He picked it up and tossed it on the floor and came towards me.
I've seen men be predatory, but this was the first time I actually felt like prey. He was so beautiful and I was to find out in just moments that he was terribly strong. I backed away but was stopped by the headboard behind me.
When he kissed me I was surprised. After weeks of circling each other, I thought he'd be rough. But his mouth was so soft on mine, and after a brief moment, he pulled away. We looked at each other, our faces just inches apart, and then I reached for him and this time, he wasn't gentle.
My mouth never stopped craving him. That first kiss set the tone for all the times we touched each other. Brutality when I wanted it, gentleness when I least expected it.
My best first kiss.
And I looked at him and he looked at me and it was so fucking LOUD, I thought the entire bar heard it. I didn't know chemistry between two people could make a sound, like thunder. He was holding a beer, and I took it from him and sipped.
"Just because you're irresistible, that doesn't mean you can just take a man's beer," he said to me. But he was staring at my mouth.
I had a stomach ache for days afterwards. Actually, the ache was lower than that.
It was inevitable that we became lovers. And after we did, I was in a constant state of arousal. The feel of my bra against my breasts hardened my nipples. The brush of fabric against my thighs made me wet. I'd sit in meetings and think of him inside me. It was as if every part of my body were completely outside my control - that my arms and legs and breasts and belly were all just mindless animals with no purpose but to want HIM.
But it started with my mouth. My mouth wanted him first. We were sitting on the bed and I was high on a feeling of utter recklessness.
"Hungry?" I asked him, and pushed the pizza box closer to him. He picked it up and tossed it on the floor and came towards me.
I've seen men be predatory, but this was the first time I actually felt like prey. He was so beautiful and I was to find out in just moments that he was terribly strong. I backed away but was stopped by the headboard behind me.
When he kissed me I was surprised. After weeks of circling each other, I thought he'd be rough. But his mouth was so soft on mine, and after a brief moment, he pulled away. We looked at each other, our faces just inches apart, and then I reached for him and this time, he wasn't gentle.
My mouth never stopped craving him. That first kiss set the tone for all the times we touched each other. Brutality when I wanted it, gentleness when I least expected it.
My best first kiss.
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